Fireside Lesson

After a youth fireside at the Bowers' one Sunday night, some of us were looking at the Bowers' pet gerbil. I ignorantly tried to stroke the thing under the chin like a dog and it gripped my finger hard with its sharp rodent teeth. It was clamped on good with apparently no plans to let go. As it did for the gerbil, instinct took over in me and I snapped my wrist, flinging the rodent across the room. It surprisingly spun out into a relatively soft landing on the hard wood floor under the couch. Luckily for me the thing was still alive, I had only a little blood drawn and remained disease free. Lesson learned: don't stick your finger close to rodents' mouths, and if you are unlucky enough to have one attached to you, fling it!

"It's So Natural...

...it's like going naked." Yes, I am talking about Mistic that sweet nectar that was the beverage of choice for NUJ outings. It was probably no tastier than similar beverages, but come on, you can't beat the add campaign, at least not with teenage boys.


Speaking of beverages...do you remember the time we found the 24 pack of beer on the road. Unlike most teenage boys we wouldn't think of drinking it, instead we took it in the NUJ and drove to Fairfield Middle School. Of course, this wasn't a bright idea, and it only took me a few minutes of driving to be fearful of a cop pulling us over and discovering the beer (What cop would believe that we were intent on destroying the beer, not guzzling it?). Luckily, we made it to the school parking lot, placed the beer outside, backed up, and drove the passenger side tires over the beer....complete destruction as planned.

Resenting the Handicapped

Tonight I was at Target and I noticed there were many reserved spaces for those with disabilities. I said to my family, "Why are there so many handicap spaces?" So that lead me to remember a certain phrase uttered in the parking garage at Forest Fair Mall, "Why are there so many handicap spaces?" Oh how little we change over the years. Does any one else remember this? If I remember correctly there was a person at their vehicle in one of those spaces as we walked by and spoke those words.

Downed by the Wire

Here is one that I think that most of you who were there will remember. It would have been Summer '94, and we went up to Chicago for me to go through the temple before my mission. We all decided to dart across the multiple lane road in front of the Fairfield Inn to go to Taco Bell. We made a mad dash across the road towards a gas station that had been long out of business, and before we knew it the blacktop was coming at our faces (at least mine) in slow motion. Since it was twilight we did not see the one inch wire that surrounded the vacant lot, and we had paid the price. I hit it first so I had a bruise line on my upper thigh, and it got each successive person lower as each of us began to weigh it down. I think the only one unscathed was Jughead, as he had hung back a little. Some young guys across the street came up to us to ask us if we were alright, because in their words they "saw [our] heads bopping up and down and all of a sudden [we] were gone." We then made it to the Taco Bell, but our first order of business was to go to the restroom to inspect and treat our wounds.

The Camp Outs

Based on the comments on the YW camp out, I easily decided that this would be the next topic. Before I discuss my memories of that camp out, let me talk about an earlier NUJ camp out....

One night a group of us spontaneously decided to go camping. I don't remember where we went, but I do remember it wasn't super close to home. Even though we were old enough to get a campsite, we were young enough to quickly become the Ranger's surveillance project.

Our first encounter was when Andrew B. thought it would be fun to roll up some dry leaves (oak, maple, etc.) to pretend to smoke them. He was trying to light them when the Ranger came up from behind with his bright flash light and demanded an explanation. Andrew dropped the half lit leaves to the ground, and luckily no fire resulted. He was satisfied with the explanation that they were just leaves and left with an impression that he wanted us to know he was watching us--Warning #1.

Next a few of us went to the playground area and struck up a conversation with a few teenage girls who were camping too. Our conversation was not loud, in fact it was no more than whisper, certainly quieter than the loud Bluegrass music coming out of the camper next to us (which sparked no warnings from the Ranger of course). But yet again the flash came from behind and the Ranger said that the playground was closed and off limits at night. He basically indicated that everything was now off limits and that we should be confined to our campsite, and I think he would even "discourage" us from using the facilities--Warning #2.

We finally settled in, but as often is the case we stayed awake talking, most assuredly about girls. We weren't very loud, again quieter than the older campers around us, but we were his number one target for the night. The flash light appeared and the Ranger was giving us Warning #3 and was about to kick us out right there and then. Luckily we convinced him that we lived too far and that it would cause too great a difficulty for us to depart in the middle of the night. He warned that if he "heard on more peep....." We all looked at Andrew worried that we would hear one more peep...of course Andrew did say "peep," but not loud enough for our new friend Ranger "Bob" to hear.

Ok, the YW camp at the Laney Farm....At church Nathan D. came up and told us about the YW camp out and said that the YW leaders invited us to attend, as long as we set up our own camps away from their own. It sounded fishy but he assured us it was true, and of course teenage boys need little convincing to go to a girls camp. Now as an adult it is very easy to understand that the YM shouldn't go to a YW camp without YM advisers. Anyway, I'll let Nathan divulge the nature of the invitation and how he got the timing and directions of the camp out...I just don't know.

Anyway, we all know that the NUJ made its way there. I won't go into the details of the camp...as we all know and can expect the drama that would stem from such a scenario...but I would like to briefly mention the aftermath.

All involved remember being called into Bishop Rollins' office the next Sunday. On the mere mention of the camp out, and before Bishop Rollins could get out his first question, Jugghead bursts out a confession of the drama that took place, which he himself was not a party to, and the Bishop said that he actually just wanted to know why we were there in the first place, but he would now like to discuss the drama as well. Anyway, it was probably the first and hopefully the last time many of us were called into the Bishop's office for a rebuke. Fun times....

So what played out on the girls' side in terms of being rebuked?

Is That a Fat Joke?

Like any group of close friends, we had our fair share of inside jokes. The first that comes to mind is of course, "Is that a fat joke?" Let me lay out a typical "fat joke" dialogue:

Person A: "...so those are all the activities I have planned."
Person B: "Wow, you are very well rounded!"
Person A: "Is that a fat joke?"

And of course, my favorite reply from John P. (aka "J.P.") being, "Yes, Dave it is."

Of course, we can never forget "Would you like some salad with that?" To jog forgetful memories, one day a group of us went to pick up Matt (aka "Greenboy") for a typical outing. Matt hadn't finished dinner with his family yet, so we waited in the family room. John G. (aka "Jughead")--who never turned down an offer for food, whether it was a sincere offer or just a mere gesture of courtesy--jumped at Matt's mother's courteous inquiry into whether he would care for anything. John devoured (I don't think I am using this term loosely) the food, and Matt's dad jokingly asked John, "Would you like some salad with that?" Of course, John said, "Yes I would, do you have some?"

Please feel free to post any good inside jokes that you remember, to include classic "fat jokes," but please stay clear of the ones that may have been hurtful, which I purposefully left out.

A winter day in 1993

On a cold winter day in 1993, a white 1990 Ford Taurus, which has completed the evening pick-ups, pulls onto Gilmore Road. The heavy tunes of Lenny Kravitz's "Are You Gonna Go My Way" are easily heard in the surrounding area, for all four windows of the car are down, an unusual scene for sub-freezing Cincinnati winter weather. Occupants of passing cars peer into the Taurus, known fondly to its riders as the "Nuj," revealing that the car is full of young men who have removed their shirts, seemingly energized by their music and cold wind blasting their bare skin.

The first stop of the night would not part from tradition...the McDonald's drive-thru across from Forest Fair Mall. A stop at this McDonald's would likely be repeated later in the night, for there would be no feasting on the greasy goodness of fries and burgers yet. The Nuj pulled up so that a rider in the rear driver-side passenger seat could speak into the intercom. After the typical McDonald's welcome and query about how they could be of service, the rider restrains any urge to laugh and asks, "Do you have any fresh nugs?" As usual, this confused the poor McDonald's cashier, and the riders knew that they had accomplished another successful "fresh nug run."

Then on to the mall. After parking in the garage of Forest Fair Mall, the Nuj riders disembarked and entered the mall. The night's main goal was likely to catch a second-run movie at the Super Saver Theater, but they would first pass the miniature golf from above. It was time for "penny golf." The object of penny golf was simply to toss a penny from the mall's second floor. If there was time the riders would wait and watch for someone playing mini-golf to pick up the pennies that missed their mark.

Either before or after the movie the riders would challenge each other to a four-person racing game or air hockey in the arcade.

Then back to McDonald's to feed the hungry bellies of teen-aged boys.

Finally, the Nuj would return each rider to their homes, but not before a quick pass for the Nuj to honk its horn to greet the Moore family and their neighbors, no matter how late it was. The last rider of the night would typically engage the driver in a long discussion about girls (who of course had their codenames and rankings) and about what the future had in store for them. Then the Nuj would retire home, ready for the next adventure.